Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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