3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
