Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
