My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You ate ashes out of my bong
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
