Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
