you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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