I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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