Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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