Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
