Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
