he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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