All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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