Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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