Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
