he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
