well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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