I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
