Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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