Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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