farters have to be the big spoon...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So squirting runs in the family.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
