i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
