Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
