im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
