and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
