Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
