Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
