I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
