you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
