Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come share oat with me in your robe
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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