i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
