Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
