I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
