Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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