I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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