after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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