i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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