God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry about my life...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
