3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
