I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
