if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Welp...herpes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
