I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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