my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
