Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
