i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
