How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
