You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
