Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
