We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
