I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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