woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
