"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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