Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
