I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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