Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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