Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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