At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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